


Thinking Back

by No_Sheet_Superlock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Before Dean, Castiel's POV, Castiel's True Form, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Heaven, Human Castiel, M/M, Mindless Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1245247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Sheet_Superlock/pseuds/No_Sheet_Superlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is human and Dean has told him to write down his life before he raised him. This is it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking Back

**Author's Note:**

> Warning:  
> I wrote this for my English homework one time and as I'm British no one knows what Supernatural is so the story isn't completely accurate to the series. Enjoy sweeties.

Thinking Back To How It Was  
So I’ve now fallen. I’ve become weak and in need to take care of my vessel. Although I can’t say vessel any longer for it is now my own body. Apparently it needs lots of looking after, feeding it and watering it. I’ve never admired how much humans get done when they have to rest for so long to function properly. Dean Winchester, the human I raised from perdition and my best friend, has been trying to teach me. I appreciate Dean and his brother Sam’s company. After all I lost my grace and wings for them.  
  
I carry heavy scars where my grand wings were ripped from my shoulder blades. The Winchesters took great care of the wounds and they have healed. Still though, not having their comforting weight (even if they were hidden in the Earth’s dimension) is taking far longer to heal. 

Enough of how it is now though. Dean has instructed me to write down my past and seeing as I have lived since the beginning of everything that is a lot.  
The first words that I heard were spoken came from my Father.  
“You’re an angel of The Lord, an angel of Thursday. You are to be called Castiel,” Then God lowered his voice so only I could hear,  
“and you shall rebel and fall for a hunter.” 

Of course the words ‘rebel’ and ‘hunter’ wouldn’t mean anything to me for several millennia.  
Much of my early times are blurred and spread out across the universe. Playing in the galaxies and forming new stars was my past time. Counting them all. One by one. Memorising them and seeing them as individuals. Naming them. I have scooped my hands in the milky ways and watched as flowers burst forth from my fingertips. I’d stare intently at the marble like Earth as the molten lava coursed across the surface; wishing with all my cold heart I could feel the rush in my veins. Tipping my four great heads back, so that the necks would fully extend, I would breathe life into the fading stars. Renewing their love.  
I loved stars as much as I loved the new creatures my Father created. The humans that roamed the Earth, once it had fully formed, were beautiful. I was taught early on that I wasn’t to visit Earth. Michael and Raphael (my older Arch-Angel brothers) were strict about that. I don’t think they approved of Father putting all his love into the new creatures. Lucifer grew jealous very quickly and wanted to kill them; perhaps send them to where the Leviathan’s were in Purgatory.  
Then, after my 2,000 birthday (still a child), everything changed. God cast Lucifer the spoilt child to Hell and left us. My Father left us to protect all his children. I shan’t forgive him.  
Gabriel ran away to the Earth in grief and the other two Arch-Angels began instructing the hundreds of us common angels. Even the cherubs had their roles. I was brought up like a solider. God’s orders were left with Michael and Raphael. That’s it for many millennia.  
The years past and I was steadily indoctrinated into a harsh, forever obedient being. Only taking time to laugh when my dear friend Balthazar would do something unintelligent. My emotions were to be suppressed and ignored by all. I wasn’t anything special or important in particular. I was only in charge of my day, Thursday. That’s how Balthazar grew to be my close companion. He was to look out for me so that I didn’t journey down to Earth and take a vessel. Consequently, being Balthazar, he let me sneak down instead. “Rules are meant to be broken brother.” He would tell me. Although my training told me to disagree a small part of me sang its approval.  
Now we move forwards thousands of years. I was accustomed to my role and at my most content as I gazed at the Earth. The fleeting visits I could have were never enough. Then for the first time Michael came and spoke with me directly.  
“Castiel, brother I have a job for you,” Michael began,” you know of the Winchester gospel?” I nodded aware of the gospel that was to come one day. Named after two brothers who did great things and hunted monsters, it contained the plan of the apocalypse. They played a huge part although I wasn’t certain of what.  
“Dean Winchester made a deal with a demon to bring his brother back to life and now Dean is dead.” Michael had a far greater number of heads than me and his wings were golden and finer than my smaller black ones. I ruffled my feathers and paid closer attention. “He is needed to be my vessel when the apocalypse comes so I need you to raise him from perdition and look after him.”  
I stood there stunned and baffled as to my orders but I eagerly accepted. I still had a small part of me that was reluctant however and my wings tensed a little. Michael sensed this and brushed his magnificent ones against mine. I felt our feathers overlap and catch on each other. Feeling a new sensation of purpose I nodded once more and Michael departed. Leaving me to go and rescue the man that would one day watch me fall. For him.  
Dean’s soul was bright and beating, a beacon that pulled me towards it. No angel should ever visit Hell for we all know what it did to Lucifer. However as I wouldn’t be there long I stayed brave. Dean Winchester the righteous man was standing by the rack. He grimaced as he was forced to torture the souls of the wicked. He wouldn’t remember the rescue and I barely do either. All I know is that I gripped him firmly and kept him close as my wings propelled us towards Earth. I held his upper arm and my grace and his soul connected. It was a rush. Like the rush of the molten lava I had once wished for. Searing throughout Dean and I.  
Once we got to earth I placed the tortured soul of the Winchester back into his body and left. My job was done. Or at least it was until Sam, Dean and Bobby Singer began trying to find what ever had miraculously brought the older brother back to life.  
I shall skip the details of the ways in which they tried to summon me because I hurt one of their friends and I now see how wrong that was. Since then I have carried Pamela’s soul to Heaven.  
In order to speak to humans I couldn’t stay in my true form. It would blind them and torture them in every possible way. Therefore I had to find a vessel. I chose a human named Jimmy Novak. I had to ask permission to be able to use his body; unlike demons. Being a religious man of course he accepted immediately. I still feel bad for what happened to him but I did warn him if I took over his body it would feel like he was strapped to a comet. I regret his death.  
The first time I met Dean Winchester I felt my grace sing. Our ‘profound bond’ must have formed as I saved him. I was aware that my hand had left a red swollen mark on Dean but I wasn’t aware of how much he hated being back. Self-loathing is Dean’s forte. He didn’t believe he deserve to be saved.  
I stood close, I soon learned about personal space however, and studied him intently. He was beautiful.  
Over the last few years I have done a lot of bad. The words ‘rebel’ and ‘hunter’ were all I was for a time. I disobeyed; I killed many of my brothers and sisters. I have even betrayed my Winchesters. Although I was only trying to help them in the long run I don’t think Dean has quite forgiven me. I don’t regret anything however.  
Dean once told me “don’t ever change” and I did. Many many times. Still though, they are my family. I have had Dean teach me how to tie my laces and how to make p&j sandwiches but the most important thing he taught me is family comes first. I had so many thousands of years with my angel brothers and sisters yet the Winchesters are the only home I’ve ever known. I suppose I should be in mourning for losing those who once owned me.  
They threw me from my nest. My little wings struggled against the world. Beating so fast it slowly killed me. They didn’t expect for me to change when I was to look after Dean. Even after, ‘team free will’ as Dean calls himself, his brother and I, stopped the apocalypse we stayed together. Eventually after my brief encounter with being God and surviving purgatory and then Naomi’s mind control, I had my wings stripped from me. They blamed it all on Dean’s will power they said that the very touch of him corrupts and that I wasn’t worthy of my wings.  
And the baby bird I am, fell. I didn’t crash down though because a hunter caught me, brushed me off and held me close. Even though I shan’t ever visit those precious stars I named again I am content. I needn’t look up into the sky and count the constellations because I have the freckles on Dean’s face and that’s all I need.  
Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, and I got a really bad grade for this.
> 
> Also I am indeed still writing 'The White Place' don't worry.


End file.
